Cats and Kids: Teaching Gentle Hands and Giving Your Cat an Escape

A cat that can’t get away from a long hug, a corner behind the couch or a hand that wakes it from a nap has only its claws and teeth left to say no. So this guide works on both sides: how your children behave around the cat, and how your home lets the cat leave. Expecting a baby? Preparing your cat for a new baby covers the months around the birth; this page starts once your child is crawling, walking and reaching for the cat.

How children should approach and stroke a cat

The feline environmental needs guidelines from the AAFP and ISFM put the core rule simply: let the cat start, choose and end the contact. For a child, that becomes a short routine worth practicing together:

1. Get low. Sit or crouch instead of standing over the cat, and look at it softly rather than staring.
2. Wait for the cat to come over. No chasing, no coaxing it out from under the bed and no reaching into a hiding spot.
3. Offer one finger at nose height and let the cat sniff it.
4. Stroke the head, cheeks and chin with one flat, gentle hand, but only if the cat rubs against the finger first.
5. Pause after a few strokes. If the cat leans in, keep going; if it walks away, the cuddle is over.

The same guidelines note that cats prefer being petted on the head, cheeks and chin, and that petting the belly or other parts of the body can lead to aggressive behavior. So the belly, paws and tail stay off-limits for small hands, even when the cat rolls over and shows them.

Picking up a cat: when and how

Most of the time, the answer for children is not to. International Cat Care’s advice on introducing cats to children is that cats need support under both their front and hind legs, so only children strong enough to support a cat’s full weight should pick one up, and only a cat that tolerates it. iCatCare limits regular lifting to kittens and very sociable, tolerant adults; plenty of cats that love a lap still dislike being held.

When the cat stays on the floor

• Your child is a toddler or preschooler, or can’t comfortably hold the cat’s weight against their chest.
• The cat is eating, sleeping, using the litter box or hiding.
• The cat squirms, twitches its tail or pushes away. Set it down at once.
• The cat needs to go somewhere, such as to the vet or out of a room. An adult moves it, or uses the carrier.

How an older child lifts and holds a cat

1. Start sitting down, so the cat goes onto a lap instead of being carried around the house.
2. Place one hand under the ribcage, right behind the front legs.
3. Cup the other hand under the back legs and bottom, so the weight is supported at both ends.
4. Hold the cat close to the body, upright rather than dangling, and keep it short.
5. Lower the cat to the floor on all four feet. Don’t drop it or let it leap from arm height.

Never lift a cat by the scruff, the front legs or the tail, and skip the squeezing hugs, doll clothes and stroller rides, however patient your cat seems.

Play at a distance: toys, not fingers

Play is where children and cats get along best, as long as the cat hunts a toy, not a hand. iCatCare recommends interactive wand toys so children can play with the cat without handling it, and the CDC’s advice on cats and people’s health warns that rough play makes cats defensive toward people.

• Wand toys for school-age children, with you nearby. Show them how to make the lure dart away and hide, rather than dangling it in the cat’s face.
• Rolled toys for younger children: a soft ball sent across the floor, away from them, gives the cat something to chase that isn’t a foot.
• No fingers, toes or wiggling under blankets. A kitten taught that hands are prey may keep hunting them as a full-grown cat.
• Let the cat catch the toy at the end, then stop. iCatCare suggests letting older children offer treats, so the cat links them with good things.
• Put wand toys away after each game, out of reach of the cat and of toddlers, since string and cord are a hazard to both.

For a young child who wants to join in without getting close, a toy that moves by itself turns play into something to watch from the couch. The Motion-Activated Rolling Cat Toy Ball starts moving at the cat’s first touch, dashing, turning and pausing like prey. A charge gives about an hour of play, and it works best on hard floors and short-pile rugs. It’s a cat toy, not a child’s toy, so the rule for kids is to watch and not grab it mid-chase, and an adult charges it and puts it away. We don’t sell wand toys; our indoor cat enrichment ideas have more games, and if a kitten is ambushing the kids’ ankles, see how to stop a kitten from biting and scratching.

A safe room and high escape routes

Even a patient cat needs somewhere children can’t follow. iCatCare says it’s important, especially with young children, that a cat has at least one room it can retreat to as a safe place, and suggests baby gates with built-in cat flaps so it can leave without being followed. The AAFP guidelines add what makes a hideaway work: it is private, secure and often up high, and a cat hidden from whatever worries it feels protected even if part of its body still shows.

The retreat room

• A quiet room the kids don’t play in, such as a spare room, office or your bedroom, behind a baby gate with a cat flap, or one your cat can hop over and your child can’t open.
• Water, a litter box and a bed inside, so the cat never has to cross the play area to reach them.
• A covered hiding place, such as a bed with a roof or a cardboard box on its side.
• A scratcher, so the cat can stretch and mark a spot that’s its own.

Escape routes in family rooms

• Something high in each busy room. iCatCare lists shelving, tall cat trees or scratching posts, and the tops of cabinets or wardrobes.
• Somewhere low and hidden, such as a cardboard box or the space under a bed.
• A clear path out. Toy piles, play tents and a child in the doorway can all block the way to the retreat.

If the retreat still needs a hideout or a scratcher, these two fit. Our picks are limited to Nilosi’s catalog, and we don’t sell shelves, cat trees or baby gates. If the cat is new to the family, our new kitten checklist walks through setting up a first safe room before the children meet it.

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  GOOPAWS

  4-in-1 Self-Warming Cat Cave Bed, Choose color

  $40.95

  Why it fits: A covered cave for the retreat room, where your cat can rest out of sight of small hands. It also opens out flat as a mat or bed.

  Choose color

• 

  Cat Scratcher Guy

  Wooden Cat Scratcher with Reversible Insert, View product

  $32.95

  Why it fits: A compact scratcher for the retreat room, so your cat can stretch and mark its own spot away from the play area. Catnip is included.

  View product

Cat-only zones the kids leave alone

iCatCare advises keeping litter boxes and food and water bowls where children can’t reach them, and asks that children not disturb a cat that is eating, using its litter box, resting or up on a high platform. Turn that into house rules your children can remember:

• Litter box: no touching, no toys in it and no watching up close. Put it behind a gate or in a room a toddler can’t reach, and cover outdoor sandboxes, as the CDC advises.
• Food and water: nobody strokes the cat while it eats, and the bowls aren’t toys.
• Beds and resting spots: a sleeping cat is left to sleep, and kids don’t climb into its bed, cave or carrier.
• The retreat: no following the cat in, and no reaching up to its shelf.
• Kids’ stuff: yarn, hair ties, rubber bands and craft string go back in the box, because cats can swallow them.
• Hand washing: after stroking the cat or touching its bowls, toys or litter. The CDC advises adults to supervise hand washing for children under 5.

iCatCare also notes that cats and kittens need regular treatment for worms and fleas, which could be a health hazard for your family. Ask your veterinarian what your cat needs and how often.

Signs your cat wants to be left alone

Children can learn to read a cat the way they’d read a friend’s face. Teach them to stop, step back and leave a clear path when they see any of these:

• A twitching, flicking or swishing tail.
• Ears turning sideways or back, or flattening against the head.
• Wide, dark pupils or a hard stare.
• The head whipping around toward the hand, or restless shifting during stroking.
• A crouched body with the tail tucked in, or fur standing on end.
• Hissing, spitting or a raised paw.
• Walking away or hiding, which is the politest no a cat has, and the first one to respect.

The ASPCA’s guide to aggression in cats lists the tail, ear, pupil and head-turning changes as warnings that often come before a petting-related bite, and the crouch, flattened ears and hissing as signs of a frightened cat. A simple rule for young children: if the tail moves, hands stop.

Good signs look different: the cat comes over by itself, rubs its cheek on a hand, holds its tail upright and stays for more. If your cat starts hiding most of the day, eating less or going outside the litter box, call your veterinarian, because stress and illness can look alike.

How much supervision, age by age

iCatCare and the CDC agree on the baseline: young children should always be supervised around cats. Beyond that, readiness depends on your child and your cat, not a birthday, so treat this as a rough guide:

Age	Your child can	Your job
Toddlers	Watch, and offer a hand to sniff	Within arm’s reach, every time
Ages 3 to 5	Stroke cheeks, roll a ball away	In the room; supervise hand washing
Ages 6 to 9	Play with a wand toy, offer treats	Nearby; put wand toys away after
10 and older	Help feed, play, lift a willing cat	Check in and back up the rules

Supervising means being close enough to step in before a hand grabs, not just being somewhere in the house. When you can’t watch, the child or the cat goes to another room. Toddlers need the most care: iCatCare points out that small children often squeal, chase and grab, which is exactly what leaves a cat feeling cornered. Have a dog too? Teaching kids to walk the dog uses the same stage-by-stage handover for leash walks.

What to do after a scratch or bite

Even with good rules, a scratch can happen. The CDC asks parents to teach children to tell an adult whenever they’re bitten or scratched, so make it safe to say, with nobody in trouble, the cat included.

1. Wash it right away with warm, soapy water. Rinse a bite under running water for at least five minutes, without hard scrubbing or strong disinfectants.
2. Call your child’s doctor promptly about any bite that breaks the skin. VCA explains that cat teeth leave small, deep punctures that seal over and trap bacteria, and children are especially vulnerable to serious infection.
3. For a scratch, call your child’s doctor if it’s serious, the cat seems sick, you don’t know whether it’s vaccinated against rabies, or your child’s last tetanus shot was over five years ago.
4. Check it over the next few days. Redness, warmth, swelling or pain mean a doctor visit.
5. Watch for later signs. Cat scratch disease is more common in children under 15, the CDC notes. A fever, a bump at the scratch, or tender, swollen glands one to three weeks later need a doctor.
6. Work out what happened once everyone is calm. Was the cat held, cornered or woken? Change that, rather than scolding the child or the cat.

Keeping your cat’s nails trimmed helps an accidental swipe do less harm; if yours resists, see how to trim a cat’s nails when it won’t let you. If your cat starts scratching or biting more than usual, or reacts when one spot is touched, book a veterinary checkup, since pain can be the cause. If it keeps lashing out despite these rules, your veterinarian can help or refer you to a veterinary behaviorist. Beds, scratchers and toys for indoor cats are in our cat essentials.